Soul of the Infant
Soul of the Infant
This work began with a dream.
In the dream, I was drawing and painting a self-portrait of my spirit using materials I had never used before. Certain imagery had already been taking shape within me so, after the dream, I felt like it was time to begin visually expressing it. As the imagery emerged, I realized I was truly looking at myself at my earliest stages of development.
The imagery connects to my infant/toddler and pre-school stages of development and is a portrait of my spirit from that time. It is also inspired by my experiences with surviving Tuberculosis after being admitted to a 1960s Tuberculosis sanitarium for several months when I was four years old. Obviously infancy, toddlerhood, and the early preschool years are formative in so many developmental ways. l was just beginning to discover myself, develop language, and understand rudimentary perspective. My awareness and overall development were ever expanding and contracting, receiving constant input, and absorbing every single thing as I moved through this earliest stage of becoming.
There was wonder and light and joy to be sure, but also isolation, confusion, sadness, and trauma. That time was profoundly spiritual for me although I was too young to fully understand it. I simply felt and absorbed it all through my growing and developing mind, body, and spirit.
The colors in this artwork carry their own meanings. Blue honors my first name which is associated with two Old English meanings — “water baby” and “knowledge.” It evokes amniotic fluid and also the inconsolable tears I cried in the sanitarium. It also represents a very strong intuitive knowledge I feel has always been with me.
Red embodies the womb-like environment I created within myself for self-protection. Chartreuse, yellow, and neon yellow represent the light within me that refused to go out. Purple represents all my spiritual reserves waiting to unfold.
When I look at this artwork, I recognize myself immediately. I see the baby, the little girl in the sanitarium, the trauma, but also the light, the spirituality, and the beginning of a life that would contain tremendous resilience and transformation.
Anima Infantis | Soul of the Child (24 × 30)
Mixed Media on Linen: Pastels, Technical Pens, Colored Pencils, Watercolor Pencils
